today is a better day...

ok so yesterday was a pretty rough day I cried for the majority of the day. I just really really miss my dad A LOT. I mean there is nothing that really helps but crying. I got thru it with the help of my mom and my sponsor...also God was a big part of it...I was on Facebook and a friend of mine had posted something and than I scroll down a little further and another friend of mine had posted the exact same thing...word for word, these 2 ppl don't even know one another. The post was "No one can control your emotions without your permission. Who are you allowing to ruin your day?" Ya I was crying over my dad but the thing that was really bothering me was the fact that I feel so alone in the situation...I have two older sisters and an older brother (they have different moms, then I do) and we were close before my dad died and now that he is gone so are they...I mean I called my older sister on Christmas and she said she had to call me back...she did a month later...when she left me a voicemail she even said sorry but at least I called you back...i mean come on my older brother is 32, older sister is 36, and the oldest sister is 44 and they just don't seem to care and really I am sick and tired of trying to be apart of the family...the only real family I have is my younger brother and sister, my mom and my step-dad. It is sad but I am always trying to please other ppl and they just let me down and that is how it always has been...idk the more I grow closer to Jesus the more ppl drop out of my life and coincidently they are all ppl that have hurt me...so like it said in the title today is a better day because I have come to this realization and I am slowly coming to terms with it...life is hard but I can get thru it...well that is all I have for right now I guess i'll right some more tomorrow... 

Ok...lets see how this works

well this is my first blog entry adn I'm just wanna see what it'll look like with my background...more to come =]